You're strong when you feel weak

I am not going to give you all the details but Mr Perfect here is having serious fear problems, coupled with anxiety and whatever else comes with those behaviours. I am not one to admit to weakness and I see that I need to. I am very weak right now.

My basic fear centers on money and it's something that has always been a problem for me. In a nutshell, I fall into fear when I feel my money is at risk. Sorry to look so together but it's true and I have to be open about my weakness.

I cannot believe how deep into fear I have gone - out of control - and what a battle this is for me. It isn't that I don't have money, I happen to have quite a bit; it's more that I am in a risk situation in one area of my life where money is concerned and my only reaction is fear. It's a sin nature reaction fuelled by the demonic. If we open the door to fear it will come in with its buddies and wreck the place.

I don't really know how to get the door shut and in some ways don't want to until God has laid his fire on this area of my life. This is not a reaction born of God. I don't know what the root is for sure but I guess I'll get there.

Right now I'm bouncing in and out of slamming the door in victory, only to yank it open an hour later. Why won't this tape stop? Why can I not believe? Why do I accept fear and not faith?

So that's me. It's been going on for some time and I need to confess this to people. I need to admit weakness. Praise God, a good friend is coming over tonight to talk. Thank God for the Body of Christ.

Love,
Pa