Since starting in the healing room I have been reading all the accounts of Jesus over and over again so that I get what it really says rather than what I think it says. One thing I have noticed that I didn't before was that many crowds followed Jesus because of the miraculous signs he performed, such as healing. I've come to understand they followed him for the miracles and for not much else. In John 6 Jesus said they followed him because he produced food and they had their fill.

The challenge to me within these accounts is that me/you/we pursue Jesus for the miraculous signs and not much else. We're always looking for miraculous provision in finances or a miraculous solution such as healing or a miracle in our marriage or work, maybe a new car or house, maybe that job, maybe the fulfillment of a promise He made to us long ago.

I've noticed that when Jesus does not perform the miraculous in our lives our faith tends to weaken and doubts creep in. No healing - we doubt. No provision - we doubt. No promise fulfilled - we doubt. I think we have to admit that we follow Him for miraculous signs.

I have this growing resolve inside of me, which I think is Spiritus Sanctus, to learn how to pursue him despite the miraculous signs. Somehow I want to learn how to seek and find him just for who he is, not for what he does. We were singing "Holy is the Lord" in Kinship the other night, just that phrase over and over, and I tried to sing it like I would in heaven. I saw myself in the Age to Come where there is no sickness, no pain, where every question is answered and I tried to sing Holy is Lord like I was there. I meant Holy is the Lord because he is Holy, not because he does Holy things.

None of this is to say I don't value or want or think He's going to stop with the miraculous signs. I think they are going to increase and I'm going full bore after healing miracles. Jesus didn't stop the miracles when he was with us and I don't think he's about to change. But I do want to grab hold of them and go past them deeper into the heart of Jesus. I want to follow him for other reasons other than all the miracles he does in my life. I wonder what those might be?

Pa