The Root of all false religions

In a comprehensive research study done by myself on myself with Tylenol Cold medication I found that whatever is in that stuff spins me into an alternate reality and opens me up to all sorts of spiritual events. This has happened repeatedly and I don't know why I take the stuff.

When I was sharing the results of my study with another person she exclaimed that NyQuil does the exact same thing to her, and, with further discussion we agreed that NyQuil is the root of all false religions. It essentially delivers the whole basis for starting your own gig in one spoonful, complete with revelation, experiencing your diety and a brief set of notes hardwired into your brain.

From there all you have to do is nurse the thing a bit until it gets a life of it's own and, hey, you're the new spiritual leader of your very own self created movement.

Looking back in history it is clear that others have used NyQuil to this effect and that it has been around far longer than any of us imagine. In fact, mentions of this liquid appear in all spiritual writings of the past, although it is always called by some sort of code name like 'water' or something innocuous like that. It slips right past you but you're reading about NyQuil.

It has been around since time began and I think it was in Cain's stew and maybe some of those wells of Abraham's time. I think Pharoh was on it for sure.

As for me and my house, we don't serve it. We've got enough religion around this place already.

Pa