You're strong when you feel weak

I am not going to give you all the details but Mr Perfect here is having serious fear problems, coupled with anxiety and whatever else comes with those behaviours. I am not one to admit to weakness and I see that I need to. I am very weak right now.

My basic fear centers on money and it's something that has always been a problem for me. In a nutshell, I fall into fear when I feel my money is at risk. Sorry to look so together but it's true and I have to be open about my weakness.

I cannot believe how deep into fear I have gone - out of control - and what a battle this is for me. It isn't that I don't have money, I happen to have quite a bit; it's more that I am in a risk situation in one area of my life where money is concerned and my only reaction is fear. It's a sin nature reaction fuelled by the demonic. If we open the door to fear it will come in with its buddies and wreck the place.

I don't really know how to get the door shut and in some ways don't want to until God has laid his fire on this area of my life. This is not a reaction born of God. I don't know what the root is for sure but I guess I'll get there.

Right now I'm bouncing in and out of slamming the door in victory, only to yank it open an hour later. Why won't this tape stop? Why can I not believe? Why do I accept fear and not faith?

So that's me. It's been going on for some time and I need to confess this to people. I need to admit weakness. Praise God, a good friend is coming over tonight to talk. Thank God for the Body of Christ.

Love,
Pa

He is Wonderful

Ma and I are back from our trip and I have been considering what to do at Kinship tonight. It's good to listen and see what the Lord wants to do and forget my own ideas about the evening. I'm hearing a number of things all related to approaching God in wonder. I know that's a bit nebulous and I do have some leading on how to make it applicable and pratical - but not before we approach Him in wonder.

Too often our big bad problems are too much for the God of our understanding. Circumstances crush us, fear diverts us. It is so important to get into the wonder of God and know he can be trusted and depended on. We need to be amazed by God and have utter belief that all he claims about us is true.

We need to know He loves us. And we need to wonder why and how that could ever be. Then we need to simply agree that it is and that nothing can change it. From there we live and move and have our beings.

That's what I'm hearing the Lord say to me for my life and to our kinship group. We will let Him lead.

Pa

I will not obey

Since our kinship group is rather large, rather fun and rather bonding we regularly get told we're doing it wrong. On Monday the leaders who we have partnered with had to endure a time of getting told we were leading poorly. This wasn't based on any revelation from God but on a book from Texas. Books, of course, are the truth and should be applicable everywhere, anytime. So, when the formula and program in the book was compared to our kinship we were found badly out of order.

I'll make sure I get that fixed right away. According to the book if I would just multiply all the leaders in our group (and we have several) into their own groups our church would begin massive growth and absorb many new thousands of lost souls and become a mega church within a precisely planned period of time. Plan the work and work the plan, that'll get 'er done.

I've been noticing these many lost souls trying to pry their way into churches in Edmonton and was wondering why they couldn't get in. Now I know it's because they don't have small groups to go to. What a simple answer I've been missing: if you create it they will come. I always thought it was the Spirit that drew them but now I know He can't draw without available groups.

Not to say we have been short of available groups through the years. We've had plenty, most with a lifespan of a few years. Somehow the Spirit missed them. We still have plenty, some fairly small but soon to bloom under our new program.

One should never ask God about such things but should read and follow the book written by someone else who asked God and got an answer. That person's answer is obviously our answer too, no need to check with the Boss. There's also no need to ask the leaders of our kinship group why we are so successful and so happy to be together and how we might create other groups that are similar. It's all in the book, no need to ask anybody.

I could see this coming over a year ago and wrote a treatise to our pastors called "A New Kinship Paradigm" wherein I laid out what I thought the Spirit was saying to the church and how leadership, growth and multiplication should work in a kinship setting. That book was not read because it wasn't from Texas.

Do I sound bitter and therefore sinful? You be the judge if you want. I can tell you one thing, if I am told to multiply my kinship I will not obey. Who should I obey, God or men?

Pa

Ma liked the floor

Ma and Kayle got back from Kelowna last night and Ma liked the floor. Yippie! I don't have to rip it out and start over! It was a whole lot of work for my friend Rob and I but we had a good time together. Now all the trim and stairs and baseboards and paint and never ending remodeling to come. It's fun fixing up the shack.

I was praying at church yesterday for a lady who had exzema that is partly healed. I felt the Lord say to lay my hands on her eyelids and lips and neck so I did (after asking her of course), feeling a little goofy but also knowing it was the Lord. Later I was reading some of Steve Long's stuff and he points out the importance of touch in healing. I understood what I was doing after reading Steve's stuff, I was laying hands on in faith that the anointing flowing through my hands would overcome the disease on the skin. I had a deeper revelation of the importance of the laying on of hands for healing. Get you hands on the sickness believing nothing can stand against God's power. You don't have to touch the exact spot but in this case the Lord had me do just that.

There is an aggressiveness needed in healing be it in touch or command. This stuff doesn't go unless it's told to and we need to be open to what God is telling us to do - touch, command, declare, act.

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. I am willing, he said, Be clean.

Pa

Healing or flooring?

Since Ma and Kayle are in Kelowna at the eyes and wings conference I am putting in new flooring in the kicthen and living room. This is a rather complicated project due to all the corners and angles and is going to take some time. Got the 32.7 degree angle cut out of the rug properly - nice straight line - hope the rest goes as smooth.

Of course who rolls into town but Cal Pierce from the Spokane Healing Rooms and I find out yesterday that he wants to pray in every healing room in Edmonton and have a lunch with healing room people. So I call only to find out I am too late for the lunch and Cal might not be willing to pray in our healing room since it's not affiliated.

This leaves the possibility of going to an evening session, as long as the flooring is going well. I'll see what happens.

Bought a great resource at TACF, 30 Principles for your Healing by Steve Long. Two CD's which contain pdf's to print. One is for the person receiving, the other for the person ministering. There is good stuff in it and it's practical so I am happy to find it. One thing that caught my eye this morning was that Jesus did what he SAW the Father doing. I hadn' t thought about it much but this is often how I pray when ministering - I see the person healed. I am going to pay more attention to what God is showing me through seeing. My hearing is generally pretty good but I know I can pay more attention to and grow in the seeing department.

Pa

here today and gone tomorrow

We had an awesome time in Toronto... Wonderful spending time with Geordie and Stef, getting a taste of what their life in the big city is full of. We met some of their friends who phrophesized us and then we prayed for them. That was fun. We went to both of their cell groups ( the one they lead and the one they attend). At the latter one we all wrote songs ... I think we should do a Gaither type thing ... or maybe not. The Toronto airport church rocked as usual and we bought some new healing resources. Geordie bought the new Delirious c.d. which promptly got jammed in the rental cars player. After a day of poking buttons and praying it was finally released! We had some fine meals together and awesome talks. It was not too too hard leaving knowing that they will be home in a few short weeks as they prepare to attend the SOM in Redding! Quite the adventure.
I am now in the process of washing clothes and repacking for the conference in Kelowna. Sadly I am going to miss kinship tonight as I have airplane head and have been up since 4:30 a.m. Tom is going but he stays home tomorrow.
Woa, I am blithering on
See you next week A and B, sorry I didn't get to see you.
Hi! Trisha, I do not know how to post a comment to you so this will have to do : I love you. I wish I could meet your Valentine!
I'm sure Tom will post something a little deeper in a day or so.
Ma.

travels

Pa and I are leaving for Toronto in the morning. ( we leave our house at about 5 a.m.) Tom has business there and I am tagging along so I can visit with Geordie and Stef. I am so excited. I am pretty proud of myself. I only started packing today rather than several days ahead of time! It was hard but I'm doing okay! Speaking of anal... Tom had a nasty little procedure yesterday where the sun don't shine! I have computer time because he is still unable to sit for very long. He is hoping with a few more baths and lots of ibuprofen that he will be able to make the 3.5 hour trip to Toronto in relative comfort. I should not joke, the poor guy was is serious pain. He went to the doc hoping for some cream or something and came home having had surgery. He may blog about it in due time.
I get back from Toronto on Wednesday afternoon only to leave again on Thursday morning to attend a conference in Kelowna with Kayle. Bill Johnson and Kris Valloton are speaking. Woo Hoo!
I will be home from that for four days and then I head to Phoenix with Tom for 3 nights at a resort. It is a reward trip through his company with all expenses paid plus they are giving us 200 U. S. dollars to spend on spa treatments of our choice!
So there you have it.
I just looked up the weather for Toronto and there is a winter storm watch. Rain, turning to snow and high winds. I am a little "nerved up" as one of the ladies in Eagles Club says!
Catchya later.
LOVE Ma.

mourn with those who mourn

I (Ma) just talked to Remi's Mom, Huguette. She is in the depths of grief. She says some days are better than others, but she is doing a lot of crying. She said its so hard to be reminded daily that he is gone and so quickly gone. She saw his toothbrush the other day and thought oh he forgot his toothbrush. Then she laughed and said," he did pull some strings for me up there." A few days before Remi died Huguette started seeing double and results of tests showed she had had a mini stroke. She was so worried about the funeral because of that because she knew she would have to be seeing so many people and she was afraid it would make her sick to her stomach. Then at the funeral right after communion there was a slide show of Remi's life and she realized as she watched it that her vision was back to normal. God had healed her. She kept the Doctors appointment she had just to tell him but he would not believe her and insisted on examining her. She said he just kept shaking his head and saying this does not happen. I am so glad she was blessed this way.
She says she knows that people grieve in different ways and for some it is longer than for others. She says for me I think it will be a long, long time. She is grateful for prayers.

He will comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

let it be.